FWIW, my tips:

1. Make a list of 14 or so SIMPLE meals that you can cook and serve fairly quickly. There is nothing wrong with having sandwiches or pancakes or eggs and toast for dinner. Include really simple things (like sandwiches, fruit, chips) along with some crockpot meals (ones where you just dump the stuff in, not really any prep), and more "complicated" things like spaghetti or hamburgers. Every week, refer to this list to make out your meal plan for the week and your shopping list. Be sure to include one day of eating out/ordering in. Friday nights have become our pizza/family movie night. Every week!! And you don't have to stick to your meal plan exactly. If you have pancakes listed for Thursday but on Tuesday you are just completely beat, then have the pancakes on that night.

2. I don't know if I'm one to give kid eating advice b/c my kids have always been good eaters BUT...try offering a variety of things in very small quantities. Like 3 blueberries, one orange slice, 2 carrot sticks, etc. You could also add some dip (cream cheese, hummus, ranch, honey). Do you read salsainchina.blogspot.com? I love the bento boxes she uses. The lunches she gives her girls are things like: one slice of cheese, 3 blueberries, a few pieces of leftover pork, 2 carrot sticks, and an olive. Several things in very small quantities. You could buy some cute mini muffin tins and fill each area with a variety of things. And tell them this is dinner. This is all you get. If you don't eat, you will be hungry later. If they finish all of say, 3 muffin cups, they get a sticker or a hand stamp or a Hersheys kiss. And you don't get more of one item until you take a bite of such-and-such. Kids have to learn to at least TRY things. Often Mason will turn his nose up at something just b/c it looks "yucky" but our rule is that you MUST try one bite of everything you are given. If you don't like it after that one bite you don't have to eat it, but you also cannot have seconds of anything else. If we are having something I'm not sure he will like, I give him a tiny amount which he must eat if he wants seconds of bread or something. He HAS gone to bed hungry many times, and a few times he has woken up in the middle of the night hungry, but we tell him that's his consequence for not eating his dinner and the next day he usually eats really well. Overall, you can only provide a variety of foods for them to try and if they don't like it, they don't like it. BUT KEEP offering b/c one day THEY WILL like something! Most adults do not survive on fish sticks and nuggets!

3. Snarkiness. Grace is old enough to understand why she shouldn't be disrespectful and what will happen if she IS disrespectful. Sometime you should sit down with her and talk to her simply about why she shouldn't stick her tongue out at you, how it makes you feel, and help her come up with some alternative ways to express her anger/annoyance at you (telling you "I'm so mad at you!" or hitting her pillow or sticking her tongue out at her doll). Then tell her specifically what her consequence will be when she sticks her tongue out. Make it something that you can apply anywhere, at home or the mall or at grandmas, and then EVERY TIME she does it, follow thru with that consequence telling her, "You stuck your tongue out at me and that is disrespectful. You have to ______ because you were disrespectful. When your consequence is over you need to apologize to me." Have DH get in on it too so that she knows HE doesn't like it when she is disrespectful to you either. And make sure she apologizes to you before her consequence is over. She doesn't have to sound like she means it (don't focus on what's not important right now), as long as she's not rolling her eyes or something when she says I'm sorry.

4. To simplify things: Have a 10 minute pick-up time before bed. Have John help the girls pick up their toys, clothes, shoes, whatever before they go to bed so at least the living room/play room are clean. You and John pick up your things, too. Try to have the living room clean before you all go to bed each night. Having at least one room picked up helps immensely when the kitchen and bathrooms are a mess. Also try to keep your room picked up so that you have a relaxing place to retire to each night. Set the timer for 10-15 minutes and pick up what you can. Setting a time limit makes it much less overwhelming.

5. Your marriage: Does John think there is a problem? Does John think you guys need to work on things? Nothing will get better if you guys can't communicate and I'm not sure how to fix that especially if in the past he has always taken your complaints as a direct criticism of HIM. What things can you do to specifically fix yourself and the way YOU communicate with HIM? Telling him in a non-emotional way, "I'm having a really hard time tonight and I need your help. Could you please take the girls outside and keep them outside while I get dinner ready? I only need 15 minutes. Thank you." and then later tell him, "Thank you for taking the girls outside. It really helped me feel less stressed during dinner. I really appreciated that." I've said it before, you have to tell him WHAT you need, WHY you need it, and later THAT YOU APPRECIATE/ACKNOWLEDGE his help.

Okay, that was a book. Hope it helped a little!