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There are several things I feel I want to cover in this post.

First, I am trying to figure out how to simplify my life.  The laundry, the toys, the dinner prep, the clean up, the clutter, EVERYTHING!!!!!!!  I have a house cleaner who I LOVE...but literally it seems to me 5 minutes after we get home, the house seems trashed to me.

I am up at 5:30 every morning....I RARELY get to sleep in.....Ava is up almost every morning at 5:30am.  I work 9 hours every day at a job that I hate...which makes me sad.  I come home and most nights I have to get dinner going.  John has been exercising lately after the girls go to bed.  And Ava has been giving me a hard time going to bed ever since the Binky Fairy came and took the binkies to bed.  After bed time it's lunches.....then I collaspse on the sofa around 9pm.  John has also starting playing tennis once a week (tho he did hurt himself recently).  It's exhausting for me.

How do I simplify my life to make things easier on me?  I already spend my weekends doing loads of laundry.....Do I now add cooking and freezing meals on the list?  Maybe I need to start doing that in the winter time but what do I now?  I'm so stressed at dinner time that all I do is yell and I barely get to eat.  I'm not a happy person lately and it's all b/c I feel so stressed.

Actually I'm so stressed all of the time.  In the morning if Ava gets up before I'm done getting ready for work, I get angry.  Why can't I have my time to get ready?  Why am I always the one who has to get up early EVERY SINGLE MORNING?  Sometimes, many times, it seems that I do it all.  And I'm getting tired of it.  I don't like who I am, who I'm turning into.

I'm also very disappointed in myself b/c of the girls eating habits.  Grace does not eat fruit or vegetables.  She won't eat meat except all natural dinosaur chicken nuggets and fish sticks.  How do I get them to eat better?  Ava eats pretty well.....she'll eat meat and corn (the only veggie).  Grace will scream and cry every time I ask her to try something new.  Ava just throw things on the floor.  Part of the problem is that I never did offer them the fruits and veggies.....how do I try to provide healthy meals that they will eat, without going out of my mind?????

How do I get them to listen to me?  Grace is very snarky and defiant.  She sticks her tongue out at me and....ugh.

Ava is fully in big girl panties right now.  Yeah....tho we are still working on the poop issue.

I'm getting very resentful of John.  He gets to exercise, play tennis, he gets his free time.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but doesn't everyone deserve some time to themselves?  I know that John mows the lawn every Sat. morning but that means I have to occupy the girls for two hours.......and that's usually after he goes for a walk for an hour.  I usually take them out to the store....or the mall....but then I come home completely stressed.  This weekend, I asked to get a few hours alone to clean out the fridge.  Did I get it?  No.  I need to iron, do I get time  No.  Ava doesn't nap on the weekends anymore....does this effect John?  No, it effects me b/c I'm the one with them 99% of the time.

John and I are still having issues.  We don't communicate at all anymore.  I sometimes think he just doesn't "GET" me anymore.  He doesn't understand why I'm so tired or stressed or why things bother me.  I feel I don't get the help that I need most times. 

So, how do I prevent my life from falling apart?

How do I get my kids to eat different things?

How do I get Grace to stop being snarky?

How do I simplify my life....make my life easier for me...while still enjoying the things that I have?

How do I save my marriage?

To Ava

The binky fairy took your binkies away and gave them to a baby girl who didn't have any.  Please, please, please learn to go to sleep.  And please let daddy put you to sleep once in a while.  Mommy is exhausted and worn out.

To AF

STOP!!!!!  Two accidents last month and now on day 4 of full on flow.  I'm getting ready to call the ob and going back on the Pill.  It's not like my "drive" has increased any at all since being off of it.  And really, AF lasts too long (7 days).  It's getting ridiculous.

To Grace

Please stop the sassing and the smart alec remarks.  You will keep loosing things precious to you (cookies, tv).  Are you learning it in school?  I mean, really, your behaviour isn't acceptable anymore.  And I'm done putting up with it.  You will suffer the consequences.

To my hubby

I hate to admit it but I am really upset that I didn't get a card from you for mother's day.  I understand that I'm not your mother.....and I do appreciate the card that the girls got me...but the fact that I got nothing from you....it's insulting.  It makes me feel that you don't appreciate everything I do for this family.  And....no card for our anniversary?  :(  I know I had a surprise 40th b'day party for you on that day but you forgot the card at work?  And now it's sitting upstairs and you still haven't given to me.  What does that say about our marriage?  Things have been difficult for us lately.  Mostly because we don't communicate and because we are tired.  But everything isn't my fault.  I work 9 hours a day and then come home to cooking and cleaning and the girls....I'm exhausted.  They don't call for you in the middle of the night.  They call for me.  They don't want you to put them to bed, they want me.  You go out for business dinners and playing tennis.  I get.....nothing.  And last night proved that I won't be doing anything for a long time, or at least until Ava gets over this going to bed phase. 

To work

You SUCK!

To weekends at the beach

I CAN'T WAIT!