i want to see if I like Blogger....so I'm trying it out.

take a look here:

http://ramblingsofastressedoutmom.blogspot.com/

You know that old saying "Don't cry over spilled milk"?  Well, this morning it could have been over spilled yogurt.  Why does nothing go well on a Monday morning?   Shouldn't there be a rule on Monday mornings that b/c it's a Monday morning, things should go relatively smoothly?

Instead Grace wakes up at 5:30am crying b/c she misses Grammy (my mother).  Now....she saw Grammy yesterday.  We spent the weekend with Grammy at the beach house.  Grammy will come over on Friday.  But none of this pacifies an almost 5 year old.  Nope.

My period is so heavy....ugh...yesterday at the beach, I almost barely made it to the bathroom.  :(  Ugh....last month hardly anything...this month......WHAMMO.

Ava is so mommy centric.  She wants NOTHING to do with daddy.  Which makes him sad and puts alot of pressure on me.  Very soon, I think Daddy will spend a day with Ava while Mommy spends a day with Grace.

I took the girls to the beach this weekend.  My mom was there as was my brother and sister in law and thier kids.  We had a great time at the beach.  My brother actually got me out in the ocean...for like an hour, jumping waves...and for me...that's impressive.  Yesterday, the water was gorgeous!!!!  Like a pool, just for the kids.  I'll post pictures tomorrow.  At first Ava didn't want anything to do with the ocean so my mom took her chair and sat by the water with Grace.  Slowly, I coaxed Ava to the water.  They floated and played....found shells....hermit crabs, etc.

My brother and I bonded out in the water on Sat.  He gave me some parenting advice...and we just talked.

His advice is right on.  I'm so tired and upset about what is going on at home.  All we seem to do it pick and yell and scold and snip...at each other and at the girls.  It's not a healthy relationship at all, for anyone.  Something has to change and the change has to come from John and I b/c the girls...well, they don't understand.  I think our expectations of an almost 5 year old and an old 3 year old are too much.  They aren't really all that bad...they are just acting thier age.

John and I are still having isssues.  I'm really wondering if we need to start some sort of counseling.  I don't think either of us is really happy any more.  We try and then go right back to the way we were.

I'm not even sure where to start.

Vacation

We just got back from vacation...our annual trek to Pawley's Island to see John's parents and his grandmother.  I had told John weeks ago that this was not usually a good time for me......his parents are not the easiest to get along with...they don't understand raising kids now a days and they definately don't get Grace.  That's very hard for me to deal with.  John promised that this time would be different.

But it wasn't.  John's father just started picking on Grace...and the sarcasim.....ugh.....how many 4.5 year olds understand sarcasim?  Well, Grace doesn't.  And it just kept going and going and going and going.  So I told John and he spoke to his dad......but it didn't stop.  So then John spoke to his mom and mom spoke to dad and it still didn't stop....then he pulled the silent treatment on Grace..to the point where she started crying b/c PopPop wasn't talking to her.  I mean really???  A pissing match between a 4.5 year old and a 76 year old man?  Give me a break.

John's parents didn't want to do anything with us.  Didn't want to go out to lunch or dinner or anything. 

We did have fun but it was also some tense times between John and I after having some reallly good weeks.  The car ride was tenuous.......ugh.  I got so tired of listening to John yell at Grace.....

Relationship

John and I have been working hard on our relationship.  We've (I've) been more honest with him, telling him how I feel about certain things.....ie, the vacation above.  The only problem we are still having is sex (cringe).  I've been off the pill for over a year now...and I still have no sex drive.  And apparently John is experiencing the opposite problem.....he is in over drive...can't get enough....tho doesn't get much at all.  This is the biggest source of contention between us and I'm not sure how to solve it.  I really just don't want sex and for the most part I don't enjoy it either.  :(  So I guess I just give in.....

Parenting

I'm torn.  I'm not sure if John and I have over the top expectations of Grace or if she really has some behavior issues at home.  I just feel that one of us (more so John) is always yelling at her and riding her.  Is she really just being a normal 4.5 year old......or do I expect too much from her?  Do I/should I put up with "FINE" or "I can do whatever I want"? 

I'm really afraid that with John, Grace is going to start resenting him the way I resented my father.  I felt like such a HUGE failure to my dad and I don't want the same for Grace.  :(

Baby #3

We are still torn on the topic of baby #3.  UGH.  I think deep down we would both like one BUT.....do we really want to start all over again with sleepless nights, bottles, diapers, schedules?  The girls are starting that fun stage...do I want to have another baby and be like "I'm sorry, we can't, the baby needs to eat/sleep/whatever?

But I can't get out of my head the thought of another baby.  But since we need help getting pg...what if we try for one and get more than one?  Then there is the thought of where to put the baby....the money thing....etc.

I was late this month...and actually disappointed when it did come. :(

I'm not getting any younger and my insurance which will cover IVF expires at the end of the year.  What do I do?

Pictures

will come tomorrow.

Time for me to go back to bed so that I can go back to work.  :(